Shouldering the Load

February 26, 2013

     On March 21, 2011, I was 56 years old, six months into my retirement after having taught high school English and theatre for 33 years, the single mother of an only child who had left home for her first year of college, and I weighed 280 pounds.  I'd love to say that I woke up that morning knowing that the day was going to be a turning point in my life, but I can't.  I never believe people who say they knew they'd reached a pivotal moment in their lives.  Life doesn't work that way.  The only way we know we've crossed a threshold or reached a tipping point is when we pause to look back.  So I had no idea that day would end any differently than the hundreds of other times I had pulled out an old Weight Watchers program and a small, spiral notebook and began, again, to try to do something about my weight.  I don't remember what my thoughts were.  In my heart of hearts, I probably thought I'd end up putting the papers and notebook away at some point without being successful, again.  So no one was more surprised than I was when, day by day, I continued to stick to the plan, and not just day by day but week by week and month by month and, ultimately, year by year.  I'm a little less than a month from the two year anniversary of that day in March, and I've lost 115 pounds so far.
     As significant as that weight loss journey has been, however, it's not the subject of this blog.  That story is merely background.  The events of this blog begin nearly a year after that day in March when I decided that I needed to add some exercise to my program.  I had lost about 55 pounds, but progress had slowed, so I decided to take a walk.  My community isn't particularly conducive to walking.  There are no sidewalks, no paths, not even much paved roadway unless you count the nearby state highway which is what I decided to do.....walk on the shoulder of the highway.  And that's what I've been doing for nearly a year -- shouldering the load on the shoulder of the road.  Pounding away nearly every day at my five mile route on the shoulder of the highway, I lost the additional weight, but I also began to realize that there was more to the load I was carrying than ounces and pounds.  I came to understand that insecurity, loneliness, fear in a thousand different forms, disappointment, and a crippling inferiority complex were all part of the burden that weighed me down as much as any of the fat that hung from my bones.  The hours I've spent striding up and down hills as the traffic roared past have allowed me the opportunity to focus on those elements of my weight, and, the more closely I examined those encumbrances, the more they began to diminish along with my hips and thighs.  Trekking alongside the highway, I've had some moments of clarity, discovered a few insights, and enjoyed some silliness.  So I thought over the next days or weeks or months, I might share some of the things that I've discovered and experienced as I've shouldered the load.